The [Redacted] Perspective

It’s been two full years, and finally the [Redacted] Perspective is making its illustrious return. During my two year hiatus from the Knights, I have searched deep within my soul and have changed both physically and mentally, and mentally and emotionally, and emotionally and physically. I have been able to see the game from a different perspective other than the perspective I’ve previously perceived.

How I have changed after two years off from baseball:

Physically; I have a new ACL derived partially from a dead man’s hamstring tendon. I have been able to pack on mass, putting my weight at an exciting record high. I’ve been able to increase my forehead size and thin my hair, finally getting the distinguished, washed up 35 year old man look I have always strived for. Let’s just say, I’m doing very well and cannot complain.

Mentally; I’m on level 212 of Candy Crush – so, killing it. I have also cut the cord from cable. The “MAN” can no longer brainwash this burgeoning mind. Cutting the cord put me in touch with TedTalks that inspire me to start thinking and to stop learning. I’ve also switched from microwave popcorn, to making organic popcorn on the stove with grass fed butter. Microwave popcorn will literally kill you.

Emotionally, I’ve aged like a spoiled red wine. At one point I was in a good place, pleasant to be around, calm, cool, and collected. Now I’ve become old, weathered, and bitter. My punitive and cynical demeanor has made me an awful person to be around, especially after a couple drinks.

With all that being said, be aware that the new [Redacted]  Perspective is coming from an older man, taking bits of the old  [Redacted]  Perspective and spinning it in a whole new Perspective.

Behold Gentlemen, for a new day arises. This is the first ever addition of…

THE Perspective: Formerly Known as the  [Redacted]  Perspective, but From a Whole New Perspective.

The Bristol Knights beat Elmer’s at Dodd Stadium 3 to 1 because of the Knights, “Screw them, they don’t beat us twice in a row” attitude. Starting on the mound for the Knights was Rick Blais, who was as ready as ever. Let me tell you something you might not know about Blais. This is a completely true story and is not to be questioned.

Everyone is familiar with the saying, “I was born ready”. Now usually you think they are full of crap but Rick Blais was literally born ready. The history behind this is that Blais was dropped by the doctor fresh out of the womb. Everyone knows how slippery those fresh squeezed babies can be. Anyway, baby Blais squirts out of the doctor’s hands, falling to the floor. Blais ends up landing, like a cat, on the balls of feet in the “ready position”. A relieved Dr. Stonehands picks baby Blais up and tells Mrs. Blais, “Congratulations Mom, your son was “born ready”. And that my friends, is why we say “I was born ready” to this day.

Anyway, Blais pitched well to start the game. I’ve spoken so much about Blais because I know his name. There are many new players on this team, and I seriously have a hard time remembering who is who. Which is why we have the name chants like “If you falter, consult Walter” and clap, clap, clap clap clap, clap clap clap, JULIO!

We scored three runs in the first inning I think. That is a good start for any team in my opinion. I’m pretty sure that it was all the runs we scored.

We also only gave up one run. I’m not a mathamatition or anything, but scoring 3 times and only letting the other team score 1 time, means you win. A win was our goal so we achieved our goal which is very nice.

 

Highlights from my mind include:

Scott’s shiny white head reflecting light like a flashlight while coaching first base. Scott gives a new meaning to “whitehead”. I think we should just call you Mr. Whitehead. It rolls off the tongue. I also had a neighbor named Mr. Whitehead. He was a great guy.

The RBI ground ball to third that no play was made on that scored a run. I can’t remember who hit it or who scored, but we did score so that’s a highlight. It was in the first inning with two outs.

The guys who pitched before I pitched and the guy who pitched after I pitched both pitched well. That was a good thing for the team.

 

Boners of the Night

Whoever was playing third dropped the popup and Elmer’s score their only run.

We kept getting caught stealing. I’m starting to think that those bases were the correct distance apart from one another.

The 57mph fastball Blais threw… it was like watching a 6 year old bowl

That’s all I have to say. Have a nice day.